Home sweet home~

I haven’t even started packing luggage and I need to leave for the airport in a few hours time. I think I can forget about catching any sleep 😪

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So I have just received my DNA report.

Hmmm…. The kiddos must be adopted LOL!

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Another long day tomorrow before the weekends arrive.

Dinner on Sat and off I go to Guangzhou again.

Sadly, this time I shall be staying at Sofitel instead of Marriott which has a better location 🙁 It is not going to stop me from cabbing over for my beloved cheese toast though! Not even the 2 kgs I put on during my last trip can keep me away from nom nom nom 😏

I am have been mentally preparing S and pray that she will react to my absence better this time. Worried and guilty, hopefully I can bring the kiddos somewhere during school holidays.

Case hearing will be in Nov *fingers crossed* Lots of planning to do for 2018 and the outcome will definitely have some impacts on the considerations.

Nevertheless, life goes on…

Sometimes, we just have to take a deep breath, relax and let things go. Focus on whats within our control and let whats not work itself out. Just take it one step at a time.

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However, I shouldn’t let that one person defines my future, stops me from putting myself out there and gives up my dream of a family.

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And I hate myself for it.

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Im not sure you get my messages but trying anyway.
I know what day it is tomorrow.
Im trying to move on. Reluctantly. But you are not willing to make us work so why should I keep waiting… a wasted love that I think could be saved. You can decide our outcome. I know what I want despite my actions may not show it right now.
If you want to spend the rest of your life with me. Act.
If not. Stay silent.
We both deserve to be loved and be happy. So if it’s not me I hope you find someone else despite how much it hurts.
Read your blog last night and got extremely triggered… it’s not healthy for me…
While the guy admits that his words don’t match his actions, he also stated that it is my fault if we don’t get back together.  The message is aggressive, manipulative, blame shifting, guilt trapping, controlling and emotional blackmailing. No responsibility, empathy, accountability and definitely zero sincerity. What has changed?
Pain is what he claimed to reasonate the above.
I have mentioned before that he tends to overrate and think negatively (even when proven otherwise) to justify his anger. When it comes to the grave sufferings he brought onto others, they mean nothing.
The inability and unwillingness to feel for others and comprehend simple logic have not changed.
Angry and abusive partners tend to be anxious by temperament. From the time they were children, they’ve had a sense of dread that things will go badly and that they will fail to cope. They try to control their environment to avoid feelings of failure and inadequacy. The strategy of trying to control others fails to satisfy them for the simple reason that the primary cause of their anxiety is within them. It springs from one of two sources—a heavy dread of failure, or fear of harm, isolation, and deprivation.
Maybe, just maybe, you have failed to recognize that you have been angry about who you are.
You were angry when you left me in the past. You are still angry when I left you even though it is not for any other reason except because of your poor behaviour.
I didn’t leave you and start asking my ex to come back to me. I didn’t leave you and start sleeping around. I didn’t abuse you then leave you. I didn’t leave you to hurt you. I have never gather supplies as backup and leave you. I didn’t do any of the horrible things you did to me.
But yet you are still so angry.
And most importantly, when I am with you… it is not because I have been rejected by others.
I don’t want to be the scapegoat and held responsible for your triggers. I don’t want to live in fear of those triggers. I don’t need someone to “stay clean” like it is some attributes when it is the norm and fundamental requirement.
You said you are trying to move on, reluctantly or not, that’s good for you.
I hope you find someone whom you will treat differently and not repeat the same relationship cycle again.
All the best, C
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About Me

My name is Sapphire. I live to eat and I have a serious condition that makes me eat instead of sleeping. It's called "Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia".


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