Month: September 2016


I’ve been always someone who has loved beyond any limits. There is no middle ground for me. I either Love too much or I am this really distant person.

There are many people out there who are exactly like me, who have been genetically predisposed with this inherent urge to love that they can’t help themselves. They can’t help caring for someone and sacrificing their own needs and happiness for someone else.

It’s because Loving is all they’ve been programmed to do and if they do anything contrary to that, their whole body will defy them and it will be anarchy.

The price I had to pay for being a girl who cares too much

It’s hard to be a girl who loves too much because humans have a habit of taking girls like that for granted and they only understand their worth once they retreat to their dormant states where they become this totally different person. This behavioral adaptation is something the world should expect because the way this world treats them and rips them apart into little pieces. This quote pretty much sums up our situation.

“You cannot create a monster and then condemn it. Hate its ugly features, its terrible gait. When I look into the mirror, I do not see myself But all of you who made me.”

What do people like us have to go through?

All of this happened to me and there were times when I used to look in the mirror and stare at myself. I used to look through my eyes and I could see a person. I always thought that this person inside me deserved better and that I was holding her back.

I was a deterrent to her progress. I was naïve. I was unaware of the fact that that person was a part of me. If I am not, then she ceases to exist. I was letting all this self-hatred consume me.

It was all because of some guy who couldn’t comprehend my love; a guy who had it all easy; A guy who thought that my un-ending care for him was something ordinary. Something you can just get for a couple of bucks in a grocery store. He had me believing the same things. He had me believing that maybe my loves was cheap and ordinary.

The question is, is it right to fall into this dormant state of self-hatred? Absolutely not! We should never give anyone the gift of hating them. What’s worse is that we hate ourselves for being this extremely rare and unique person who has been blessed with an endless supply of love.

We should never apologize for being ourselves. If a tiny root of Self-hatred springs in your body, we should uproot it.

I’m not here to preach about love. We all have our definitions of love, but deep down we all know that people who think that they do not deserve love waste their potential. Just because they’ve been hurt and gone through terrifying things in their life, these experiences make them skeptical about love.

You are a girl with a big heart and you’re restraining your heart inside a cage. You’re lost inside it and you’re denying it. You’re denying that you’re not broken and you don’t need fixing. You know that if someone tries to fix you again, he’ll do a temporary job and ultimately end up messing you up more.

Don’t blame yourself for who you are!

The only thing you are doing is defying your inherent power to love.

What’s a life in which you do not take risks? When I look back, I barely remember my good times; I’m not proud of them. I’m proud of the times when I was standing on the line that abuts life and death and I survived. I didn’t just survive but I lived on. I got hurt multiple times but I never lost the power to love myself. At least, after all that, I still had someone to love myself. Myself!

Trust me, caring and loving too much is not a disease. It’s not something you should unlearn. It’s something you should hold on to for the rest of your life and try to use it on people who actually deserve it. You don’t really think that you’re all alone in this world? There are people out there who can relate to you and have the exact same ability of caring too much. They will understand you and restore your faith in humanity.

Even if things badly, it was because the other person couldn’t live with whom you are. You are someone who loves too much and they couldn’t handle it. They couldn’t understand it. Maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe they hadn’t met someone like you before and they couldn’t figure out your worth. Someday, you’ll find someone who accepts you for who you are. So please, don’t change yourself just because this world breaks you. This entire world will try to break you down.

The trick to living forever is living with yourself. There is no compromise on that. You should not apologize to yourself or anyone for who you are. I’m a girl who loves too much and I’m proud because even If I’ve been hurt countless times, I’ve instilled optimism and happiness in lives of so many people. Not many people have the courage to do that after all the years of rejection and pain.

If you stay, stay forever. If you go, do it today. IfIf you stay, stay forever. If you go, do it today. If you change, change for the better. And if you talk, make sure you mean what you change, change for the better. And if you talk, make sure you mean what you say.


It’s a hard pill to swallow. But the truth is going to heal your heart a lot faster than simply letting it break over and over until you finally face what you knew all along anyway:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

There are a million possible scenarios here. It’s easier when he’s an asshole – selfish, only thinking of himself, using you to make someone else jealous, using you in general, treating you poorly, crushing you thoughtlessly, whatever. But it’s a lot harder when he’s a good guy, and you still have to let him go. When he tells you that you’re an incredible person, but he just doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Or when he really likes you, but doesn’t think you’re the one. Or when he just doesn’t feel as strongly as you do and he wants to be honest. Or when he can’t seem to make up his mind and feels confused, which he doesn’t yet realize just means that he’s afraid of hurting you, that feeling ‘confused’ just a softer way of eventually saying ‘no.’ If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have had to make up his mind in the first place. It would just be an answer that he felt deeply in his gut.

But regardless, whether he’s a wonderful guy or an asshole or somewhere in between, this is about you, moving on. Because no matter what the situation was, no matter how well he treated you or how much fun you had together or how well you got along, he doesn’t want to be with you. And that’s the truth. And that’s going to be your life raft for the next several weeks or months, no matter how much you don’t want to grab onto it. It is what is going to eventually help you come to peace with the end of your relationship, or the fizzling out of your fling, or the ‘no more talking’ after you guys spent so much time ‘talking.’ It is the truth, and as ugly as it is, it will be the only thing that can help you move on:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

It’s easy to try to soften the blow. He needs time, or he just needs a little space, or he’s just afraid of commitment and I just need to reassure him, or he builds walls and it’s my job to kick through them.

But think about the way you feel about him. How easy and natural and obvious it feels. How you don’t even need to question whether or not you should be with him, because it just feels right in your veins. How, even if you were scared of committing to someone or getting hurt or opening yourself up, you were still willing to do it, because your heart had already made up your mind. You wanted to be with him, so you were. The decision was simple. It really wasn’t even a decision at all.

Now can you imagine feeling all those things but choosing not to be with him anyway?

That’s why your heart is broken. Because he didn’t feel those things. He didn’t feel that same certainty that you did, deep in your bones. And you can’t change that, and you can’t fix yourself, and there’s nothing you did wrong. It’s just the truth. His heart didn’t make the decision for his brain, because his heart is in a different place from yours. And that really, really sucks. And you just have to accept it. And that sucks even more.

Maybe you’ll get over this in weeks, maybe months. Maybe longer. It will hurt, some days will be horrible and some will be okay. But the smallest of silver linings is this: you can let your heart break once – instead of breaking it a million times by convincing yourself that he’s making a mistake or he probably misses you or you should call him. Love yourself enough to be hard on yourself:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

Musterer courage to step onto the weighing scale last night…


It is with utmost horror that I realized that I have put on 3 kgs within a week!

So sinful… but soooooo good ♡



About Me

My name is Sapphire. I live to eat and I have a serious condition that makes me eat instead of sleeping. It's called "Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia".


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