No more dwelling and hoping but keep moving on.
The place which always brings back memories.
Affection and love are results of trust. You cannot love someone you don’t trust, you cannot respect someone you don’t trust, and you certainly cannot commit intimately to someone you don’t trust.
“Just focus on your job and kids, and let me handle the rest.”
Short and simple but those words instantly make my eyes well up with tears despite the relief they bring at the same time.
I have been feeling so alone and helpless in this variation case, I am truly thankful for the help that has been rendered.
The day that has never been celebrated, I am allowing myself to grieve until then.
Healing requires feeling.
It meant a lot and it was a part of my life. I invested my heart in it… the pain deserves to be felt.
A random thought hit me while I was showering.
“How much easier will it be if only I am in love with someone else?”
I had recollection of the past; He always and only comes back after rejection by others. Where else, I have always rejected others because of him – Good people who treated me well and were there for me during difficult times.
Whats wrong with me?
Despite my abstinence and staying single for that 1.5 years, I still get accused just like in the beginning. I am still treated with aggression like before, no empathy or consideration for my needs to not break apart.
The self victimization is still going strong, with imagination to help justify anger. The golden monkeys are in place to meet his needs, there is no shame or remorse. And the projection is real.
Change is from within, it takes a strong desire and willingness to follow on all counts.
It is not superficial.